Saluton!

Review

2009-09-25T23:21:00.004+08:00

Painting my grandma's room last week was really tiring, but the room was seriously transformed after that.

During the week, Josh reminded me of money, or rather, the lack of it. I may not agree with his ideas, but it just struck me -- my studies will cost a substantial amount of money.

Time to be frugal, like for example, "do I really want the more expensive tablet PC that Sonia warned me against?". Haha.

Words from Einstein

2009-09-11T01:10:00.002+08:00

Sometimes in our relentless effort to find the person we love, we fail to recognise and appreciate the people who love us. We miss out on so many beautiful things simply because we allow ourselves to be enslaved by our own selfish concerns.

Go for the man/woman of deeds and not for the man/woman of words, for you will find rewarding happiness, not with the man/woman you love but with the man/woman who loves you more.

The best lovers are those capable of loving from a distance far enough to allow the person to grow but never too far to feel the love within your being.

To let go of someone doesn't mean you have to stop loving; it only means that you allow that person to find his/her own happiness without expecting him/her to come back. Letting go is not just setting the other person free, but is also setting yourself free from all the bitterness, hatred, and anger that you keep in your heart. Do not let the bitterness take away your strength and weaken your faith, and never allow pain to dishearten you; but rather let yourself grow with wisdom in bearing it.

You may find peace in loving someone from a distance not expecting something in return. But be careful, for this can sustain life but can never give enough room for us to grow. We can all survive with just beautiful memories of the past,but real peace and happiness come only with open acceptance of what reality is today.

There comes a time in our lives when we chance upon someone so nice and beautiful and we just find ourselves so intensely attracted to that person. This feeling soon becomes a part of our everyday lives and eventually consumes our thoughts and actions. The sad part of it is when we begin to realise that this person feels nothing more for us than just a friendship. We start our desperate attempt to get noticed and be closer, but in the end our efforts are still unrewarded and we end up being sorry for ourselves. You don't have to forget someone you love. What you need to learn is how to accept the verdict of reality without being bitter or sorry for yourself. Believe me, you would be better off giving that dedication and love to someone more deserving.

Don't let your heart run your life, be sensible and let your mind speak for itself. Listen not only to your feelings but to reason as well.

Always remember that if you lose someone today, it means that someone better is coming tomorrow. If you lose love, that doesn't mean you failed in love.

Cry if you have to, but make sure that tears wash away the hurt and the bitterness that the past has left with you. Let go of yesterday and love will find its way back to you. And when it does, pray that it may be the love that will stay and last a lifetime.

There are two ways to live your life: One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.

There is no mistake so painful that love cannot forgive, no past so bitter that love cannot accept, and no love so little that we cannot start all over with.

Source: Love and Life, Albert Einstein (source unverified), via Carrie.

So not easy.

BE STRONG.

2009-09-11T00:26:00.003+08:00

After talking to Gauri about it on MSN, it was late at night, so I succumbed to Google Reader.

My gawd. When I got to Aug 27, 2009, I suddenly felt hot.

Pak Nian, be strong. Keep the switch flipped the correct way.

It just makes me so sad. But it must be alright, because it's ok.

---
[EDIT]
F---. Apparently today's swim wasn't cooling enough. Gotta sweat it out tomorrow. Or with lacrimation, tonight.

Train

2009-09-06T19:27:00.000+08:00

Happiness on the train is seeing someone give up their seat to the elderly.

It's alright, it's okay

2009-09-04T23:48:00.000+08:00

I know I shouldn't let things get to me.

But it's so easy to fall into the cycle of negativity in this organisation. There, I just did it again.

Perhaps I need to tell myself that it's alright and it's okay. Positive song.

PS: I wonder why my Blogger isn't working properly.

Finisher of 21km!

2009-08-17T19:30:00.000+08:00

I managed 21km with Brandon.

Haha. It was really good. :)

Anyways, I am thankful to all who have supported me, including friends who keep me in check when I get to negative.

Thank you.

And Gauri's back! Ha! Gonna have a few fun weeks while she's here.

Great stuff with Kenneth too! Haha. Keep it up with the NDP stuff, I guess. :)

Moderation

2009-08-14T09:32:00.002+08:00

Maybe I was too greedy.

Or because I don't have any friends.

The cuteness of it all seems to help me tide this over, but would it be for real? I mean, it is real. But nothing can happen if all I get is a faded screen that is Not Responding.

I don't know what to think!

Would you cry just a little for me?

PS: Argh. And sigh.

What's there to celebrate?

2009-08-09T19:34:00.001+08:00

Disclaimer: This entry may contain offensive content. The author intends no malice and takes no responsibility for such offence caused.

It is obviously a public good, characterised by non-excludability and non-rivalry.

Sometimes I wonder, why is it me who has to pay more for it? Why us?

While those idiotic civilians are celebrating away, or at the very least, enjoying their long weekend, have they forgotten about those who (are compelled to) toil and sweat?

I am confident that it is the very last thought on their minds.

Given my silence, I find myself unable to express my disappointment and fury. The long walk, the cool swim, have all turned up nothing.

So, we celebrate 44 years of success. The success of silence. The silenced half*. How everyone is made to believe we have grown, when all along, the very provision of the public good is, optimistically, the laughing stock of the land. How the hardworking work harder while the lazy get lazier.

How, at 2022 hours, more than several of the ignorant attempt to recall how equality is less than equal**. How peace is maintained by torture.

How the happy celebrators forget about all the unhappiness the rest quietly suffer from. How our prosperity is squandered away. And finally, how we will continue in the pursuit of such progress.

Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.

You fucking bunch of idiots.

*With the assumption that the independent assortment of alleles is not humanly tempered with.
**Especially when one drinks with a straw.

Self-destruction

2009-08-09T19:31:00.000+08:00

It is strange.

When I am irritated I hurt the people who care most.

2 good 2 b true

2009-08-02T12:08:00.000+08:00

Last Saturday. Went out for a dinner and movie with someone quite amazing. Had a great night out. And another one.

Yesterday. Dinner at some hong kong cafe. Found the secret hideout. :P

It's quite amazing. I started off shy and bashful but now it feels so comfortable. That's not to say I'm no longer the shy kind. Haha.

But what is wrong with Hong Kong cafes? They have this allure of street food, but most of the main dishes seem, to me, rather disappointing. Haha. It's the side dishes which are really good.

Bitterness

2009-07-14T23:02:00.005+08:00

Perhaps I get too pissed too easily now. Can't help it if I work in a fucked up place, but hopefully I don't keep it in and become bitter. Easier said than done. *

By the way, the clear/blur thing is irritating.

And rollerblading with Sonia was great.

*So pissed, that my subjects have been scared off their sentences.

Clur/blear

2009-07-14T13:11:00.003+08:00

I just got contacts. Yes, again!

But temporarily, the ones I'm wearing are without astig correction, so everything is pretty much in a clear blur.

---

Parents, don't you ever wish one day your children will understand how you feel when you chide them, nag at them, all for their own good? Over the years, my father has always "reminded" me to take good care of my eyes, to use the vision correction methods he got for me (spects, RGP, that eyedrops I suddenly can't name, progressive lenses and finally soft lenses) and to treasure the eyesight I have because one day I won't have it this good anymore.

It took 20 years of my life before I realised how precious my eyesight is.

Papa, thank you, though everything you did didn't seem to work against your genes* (ha!), I still appreciate all that you've done.

*According to my parents, I once participated in an experiment in which it was hypothesised that myopia is passed on from the father. To our knowledge, SNEC did not release the results.

Open to misinterpretation

2009-06-28T19:24:00.003+08:00

From: Nuclearellan
To: Organella
Date: 28 June 2009 19:25
Subject: Re: Dear xxxx

I wonder why, but you're the only one I seem to be able to talk to. Maybe it's a matter of convenience.

The only way to reasonably talk to you now is by email.

While on the computer fantasising about you know what, that's what I can do.

Plus the fact that you are a cute, pretty girl online. Hahaha.

You know, now it's the first time I actually feel like I'm growing up. Like what they always say, puberty is when teenagers try to get a sense of their own identity, their view of the world out there. I haven't done any growing up, until now.

The mixture of feelings, the frustration, the hormones and the sadness.

Romeo take me somewhere we can be alone
I'll be waiting all there's left to do is run
You'll be the prince and I'll be the princess
It's a love story baby just say yes

Although, actually the following stanza probably illustrates the struggle better:

Romeo save me, they try to tell me how to feel
This love is difficult, but it's real
Don't be afraid we'll make it out of this mess
It's a love story baby just say yes

Loving you offline too,
Pak.

PS: It's Love Story by Taylor Swift.

Prompted by feelings from Skype conversation. No, not you. Hmm. Ah, yes, you! ;)

Dr Tatiana

2009-06-27T16:29:00.007+08:00

I love Jessica ('s book, Dr. Tatiana's Sex Advice to All Creation by Olivia Judson).

It presents a lot of interesting ideas, in particular:

In most species, though, homosexuality doesn't lead -- even indirectly -- to reproduction. So it might seem odd that homosexuality should persist. Indeed, among humans, this is taken as proof that homosexuality cannot be genetic. But it can. In fact, from an evolutionary point of view, homosexual behaviour is only perplexing if every one of three conditions is met.

First, the behaviour must have a genetic basis. If there is no genetic basis, homosexuality cannot be subject to natural selection.

Second, it must be exclusive. That is, at least some individuals engaging in homosexual behaviour must be confirmed bachelors or confirmed spinsters who never attempt to breed. If they breed, it's no mystery why the genes persist in the population.

Third, such individuals must make up a significant proportion of the population. If the behaviour is rare, it can be dismissed as a fluke. But if it is common, then there must be something that keeps the genes for homosexuality present at an appreciable frequency even though the individuals expressing the genes never reproduce.

Source: Dr. Tatiana's Sex Advice to All Creation (p147) by Olivia Judson. Paragraphing added.

Of course, there are many other topics that simply are great to read about. Like what Barbara Ehrenreich says in a review quoted in the book itself, who knew sex could be so much fun?

Frisky

2009-06-27T12:43:00.010+08:00

On nice, sunny Thursday afternoon I decided to venture out to get a fix of Old Chang Kee.

One day, I am going to miss this place. I have grown up in Simei, with Simei. From a time when there wasn't even an MRT station, Simei is now a somewhat bustling town centre it is today, with the all-too familiar smell of construction coming up.

Ah, development.

For the first time, I noticed the free-to-grab clitoria on the fence of the secondary school along Harvey Road. If I had known, we wouldn't have to sneakily pluck them off that jungle house along Crescent Road:

First: Crescent Road jungle! The white thing is not a flower though; it's Sin Yee.
Second: Bougainvillea-clitoria interface on the long fence.

Back to Simei. Then there're the various flowers in bloom -- bougainvillea and hibiscus -- and the cacti soaking up the sun. I even saw two birds flying about together, as if they are in love. Sigh. It had been so easy to overlook all of these throughout my 20 years here.

My parents have announced their plans to move to an HDB flat, with accessibility and price being priorities. The move is likely to be complete before I start my course in AY2010/11. Yes, I will miss the East -- you Westerners have no idea what you've been missing out on.

Infection

2009-06-16T10:28:00.004+08:00

It has been such a hectic week, the germs must have been multiplying with glee.

No wonder my operation site for my wisdom teeth got infected. The worst part is that the socket is almost completely closed already! Nevertheless, it was a good thing I decided to see the dental specialist instead of tolerating a week or even more of painful swelling, had I booked an appointment via the Appointment Centre.

Why am I such a workaholic anyway? People sail through the, ahem, execution of the particular Act doing the bare minimum possible, taking extra care to secure outpatient MCs and medical appointments. For me, I try to plan them during the lull periods.

Crazy right? Perhaps that's why I can feel so bitter. I work so hard, and what do I get? A sense of loyalty and service to the country? Haha, I'll give you a good, hard slap.

But anyway, I'm not here to rant about the secret goings-on I'm going through. It's about the infection.

Ah yes. Apparently it takes 6 whole weeks for the socket to completely heal (take it that my wisdom teeth have been unplugged). If I had known, I'd probably not take part in, should I say, risky activities. The most recent would probably have been the swim with Terence. I can't imagine the numerous bacteria swimming in the pool with me, provided they haven't lysed, otherwise I'd be swimming with dead bacteria and their oxidised genetic material.

And then my constant yawning like a hippo must have ensured the socket remained open for the longest time naturally possible. Gauri had warned me about this from the very beginning, when the diagnosis for my earache was "? TMJ dysfunction".

Very risky indeed. But even then, it took more than a week to feel the swelling. It included pus, which tasted horribly disgusting when the dentist squeezed it out.

Ugh. Time to step up more good habits for dental hygiene.

My first love

2009-06-16T10:19:00.002+08:00

At night,
She keeps me warm and cosy*;
She doesn't care if I go to bed woozy,
Or whether I snore or drool.
Then she's so huggable too.

Oh, she's my first love,
Even till the morning light.

*Sudden recollection of sinycosy ("Sin Yee cosy", according to Keng Mun), a la Asses and Triangles.

Hard-hearted day

2009-05-22T22:47:00.002+08:00

1515h:

nope, i don't think i think of you that way.

i am thinking of... pain.

2012h:

perhaps you're just in love with a Fairytale -- it's all in the past now.

This very song, sung by Alexander Rybak, a Norwegian fiddler, won the Eurovision Song Contest 2009.

Adium

2009-05-22T13:51:00.005+08:00

Source: Icons of the past and the future, the Adium blog.

Isn't the Adium duck seriously cute?

Pragmatism

2009-05-20T08:33:00.001+08:00

I just changed my colour scheme to Windows Standard, instead of Aero.

Haha, I hope this lasts. How did I ever survive with this drab grey?

If!

2009-05-19T20:55:00.001+08:00

If there is no pain from the wound, there is the sore throat.

If there is no sore throat, there is the strange pain near the back of my mouth.

If there is no strange pain, there is the ulcer pain.

I have everything. Miserably and irritably.

Who knew

2009-05-18T20:47:00.004+08:00

Ulcers can be just as painful, or even worse, than a dental operation wound.

---

As we crawl through this journey we call life, we make many friends -- some enemies, perhaps a lover or two.

But when you're in pain, who do you look for? Is it your family? Your partner? Your (insert faux shudder) clique? Your BFF?

My parents have done an excellent job supporting my needs, whether in pain or not.

My friends are leading busy lives of their own, juggling between work and whatever interests they have. But there is one very irritating thing. They are mostly preferring to believe in the so-called social networking power of Facebook than to realise that they are finally forgetting the finer details in friendship.

This is not an accusation. I recount the countless (ha!) times I have felt alienated by busy-mongers who are so busy, they're on Facebook.

In ordinary times, the loneliness is still tolerable.

In pain, it is the most irritating recollection of happier times. It's like something is missing, even during direct human interaction.

Of course, I have plenty of friends to be thankful about. But how many actually know me?

A girl in London who replies to my email and occasionally enjoys a conversation on the phone with me.
Another in the US.
Or maybe one who likes to party around.

And then I have no more to list.

You can also ask me the same question -- and look at the walls you put up by appearing busy.

Granted, human characters are complex. But if this is the way we youths are going to lead our lives, it is no wonder we complain so much.

A friend in need is a friend indeed. Who knew? *rolls eyes*

PS: I have always verbalised my words in my brain, but this time, I am much more silent. I can't even vent my frustration by shouting inside.

PPS: You must understand that pain makes me irritable.

Journey

2009-05-17T16:47:00.002+08:00

Post-op:
Hospital milo is the best in the world.

1st cooked meal:
Real food!

Today:
It just keeps getting better (food!). But I'm getting more irritated as my body deals with the discomfort.

Potentially last post

2009-05-14T23:48:00.004+08:00

Just to be practical.

Jessica - Thank you for being so witty, so funny and so er, cute.
Sin Yee - Thank you for always being there. Simei rocks.
Sonia - Thank you for all the jokes and experiences we share. Rollerblading is never the same without you.

Erick - Thank you for your patience and for being such a great friend.
Gauri - Oh, dauri, how can I not be in love with you? Thank you for always sharing your jokes, your studious (haha!) life and your friendship with me.
Trina - Thank you for thinking of all of us, I know you'll make it big one day, without chemistry. :)

Alvin - Thank you for everything you've done for me.
Christopher - Thank you for your time.
Daryl - It was nice knowing you, really. Thank you for your care and concern.
Gabriel - Thank you for being around.
Jonathan - We should have met up! Thank you for your messages.
Zee - Go fuck yourself. Haha. Thank you for the memories.

Say Hoe - Do you know how good you are as a friend, how pure you are as a person? Thank you for all your help and I'm so glad to have known you.
Brandon - Haha, you're just a buddy to me. Thank you!
Leonard - The chats we have, the things we do, thank you!
Jarvis - Husband? Honestly, you're the first regular I liked. You're a good guy. Thank you for making me your, er, 2nd wife.
Wilson Tay - And pop, it's koko krunch! You're a great friend, man. Life in there would have been unbearable without you and Say Hoe. Thank you.

There are so many people I want to thank. My parents, for providing me with such a seriously, luxurious life. My brother, for company. My teachers, for nurturing me, in particular Ms Goh Ai Lian, Mr Calvin Tan, Miss Dawn Yee, Miss Aileen Wong, Mrs Tan-Ong Lay Pheng, Mdm Ng Mo Boey, Miss Adri, Mr Tan Lee Tong, Mrs Raeburn-Sim, Miss Suzanne Chia, Mrs Jennifer Loy, Mdm Quek Pin Pin, Xie laoshi and Ms Tang. The instructor I remember the best, Mrs Wee Kip Pin.

And to all my friends and people who have influenced me: I may not have enjoyed your company (if your name wasn't listed here), but without you, I wouldn't be what I am today.

Thank you.

---

For now, it's fasting till the operation at 0945h.

References for risks for general anaesthesia can be found at WedMD, MayoClinic, MedlinePlus, US NLM - NIH (.pdf) and MSN Health.

The Dumb Bunnies

2009-05-13T23:15:00.003+08:00

Finally using Trina's very nice birthday present of a Borders gift card (from last time), I got a collection of Dav Pikey's The Dumb Bunnies 4-book trilogy. (Woah, Borders' selection is humongous.) Hahaha.

It's super funny. At least, to people like me who are really still children at heart.